My life changed drastically in the Target bathroom when I peed on that stick. Though I had to pee on it 5 times to convince myself it was really true. In just three minutes I went from my life being Chris and our dog George, to Chris, George, and a BABY! The emotions I felt were running like crazy through my head. Was this really happening? I’m going to be a mom! I can’t wait to tell Chris. We’re young and broke, how is this going to work?
A year ago I realized raising a family is what I want to do with my life. I didn’t go to college, instead went to beauty school. I always had a job, and made really good money whether I was cutting hair, working 9-5 at a desk, or cleaning houses. But, I had the hardest time not finding my identity in what I did. And still do. What am I proud of? What is unique about me that other people see? It’s taken me awhile to realize that what I wanted was recognition for something other than a good haircut or clean house. My constant comparison game ate away at me. How are my friends doing amazing things with their life and constantly getting recognition for it? Was being a mom cool enough to get recognition for? After some hard realizations, what I was really wanting was recognition. My motives were way off, and what I needed was to be ok with who I am and what I desire even if it doesn’t sound elaborate. My identity isn’t in the things that make me ‘happy.’ It couldn’t be. These past 6 months that have felt like an eternity, my eyes have opened! I have so much respect for moms. Respect for women who sacrifice everything for keeping a life alive and nourished inside of them. Respect for women who become pregnant more than once. It’s a job that needs to be acknowledged and rewarded more often.
I knew I wanted to be a mom, but there were 3 major things that put a hold on it. Throwing up, getting big, and labor. All of which I have experienced in full, and will experience in full! When Chris and I decided we were going to be lax about the whole contraceptive thing, I got pregnant right away. Letting go of my fears of pregnancy was huge, and something I did for myself, and Chris. I let go, and my desire to become a mom was actually happening. I felt excited and purposeful for about a week…then the thing I was dreading and fearful of the most was slowly approaching. Morning sickness! More like every day, every hour, well past the first trimester sickness.
NOT A MUTE 
keep pouring out beautiful truths – the world needs to hear more of it.
jess,
i am so happy you are doing this. i am SO glad you are becoming more confident in your path to motherhood. i can’t even begin to tell you how much comparison will rob you of your joy in life, but i understand that is something you cannot switch off overnight. you are always going to be cool in my book, no matter what you’re doing. i don’t care if you’re making 5,000 babies, cleaning houses, making a purse, hanging out with dogs or just sitting at home, you will always be my friend forever and be the same jessica i met at phil’s bday party.
i hope and pray that you will continue to be more transparent through your pregnancy and going into motherhood. i am learning that there is no shame on who we are. god gives us these lives and personalities for a reason: to share his goodness and testify his work in our lives–whether it’s pretty or ugly. we all have our own stories who shape who we are today. in the end, the only thing that really matters is that we were saved by grace and live our lives for him, not to impress anyone else. others can just suck it.
i am so thankful you are FINALLY able to enjoy the last few weeks of pregnancy. i know it’s one of the hardest things you’ve had to go through in your life, and you’re a badass. i wish i could’ve been a better friend throughout it, but i had no clue how to. honestly, i only wish i could be a mom sometime soon as i’m starting to become an old woman, but you know, i don’t have a husband, so i have to focus my life on other things. i can’t wait for the day to have a mini baby wang that i can take on adventures with me. but also you know what? that might not even be god’s plan for me, i might be solo forever, but i’m ok with that. so jess, you and chris are BLESSED to be where you are right now. your little girl in your tummy is truly a blessing, and i can’t wait for ya’ll to be parents. i know it won’t be easy, but seeing that little baby grow up into a little mini hanson will be worth all of those hard and long hours of suffering whether it was all the throwing up, during labor, or sleep deprivation. can’t wait for more of my besties to become parents so i can babysit for them and play with the kids. more like toddlers for me though. 😉 i love dem talking back and rude kids. haha.
love,
wangie
ps i hope you’ll be one of those moms who post lots of pics of your babies, i love living vicariously through all of my mom friends. no shame in being proud of your kiddo. you made them, and it was hard work.
Aw, Wang, you’re the sweetest. Thanks for those encouraging words! I cherish your friendship and am excited for you to meet her, Auntie Wang 🙂
wait…did my comment go through? it never said pending even haha.
It did!
I love this ☺️💕
Jess, I so love your writing and beautiful thoughts about Moms! Keep it up and the best is yet to come.